Five Hour Fishing Woes (Humor)

Well we had a nice little mini vacation the weekend before Memorial Day, going about 4 hours up north and I ending up with a nice little souvenir.

So you have heard the term farmers tan, golfers tan, etc. well I guess you could call mine dumb ass tan.

Anyway we were up fishing in McGregor & the sun was out, but it was also very very windy which made it quite cool. I found this little cubby hole where I could fish & the wind was not hardly blowing there. Unlike the other little secluded place from the wind I found or so I thought and when I cast my line, YEP up into the tree it went. Of course it happened right when this boat of three fishermen came up. well I saved everything, but my leech, well everything but saving face I guess.

So anyway this nifty little place I found was perfect, I even caught a snake sized northern, after 5 hours of fishing, I might add. I had on a black sweat shirt, because when I had to head out to go get more bait (which was often) it was cold.

Well when we were done & out of the sun for about an hour I happened to look down at my hands, yep bright red. It looked like I had some kind of skin disease, at that point my mom said wow honey you are really sunburned. So I was burnt from just the upper wrists down & I decided to look in a mirror & to my horror my face was bright red burnt , but not all of it. My right side got more sun than the left, but only half of my forehead got anything. Well now it is dark and you can imagine what it looks like.

You know I do not consider myself a vane person, but I told my husband I am going to a tanning booth to try and blend.

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Bad Luck Or Gene Pool?

These events actually happened. I was there for some of them and they are a true account of the events. My best friend wrote down these accounts that happened with her family and sent them to me, bringing back memories I found myself lmao, when I was reading them and had to post it.(actual id censored for anonymity)

While on an extended road trip, I witnessed a very close relative ask her husband why there were speed bumps before each toll booth. He responded nonchalantly, “That’s so blind people will know when they have to slow down and pay a toll”. (I’m not kidding!). She responded that that was a very good idea. After he and I erupted into laughter and about 3 or 4 miles down the road, she reached over and slugged him in the arm as hard as she could.

This same close relative was in a panic one day because the brand new vacuum cleaner her husband had bought her was busted and he was gonna KILL her! I quickly detected the problem was fixable by simply removing the pair of underwear from the hose.

Another close relative was in a panic one day because HER vacuum cleaner was busted. Once again, I came to the rescue…the solution: replace the over-full bag!

A different close relative was sitting in the waiting room of her doctor’s office when another patient wanting to kill some time with conversation asked her, “I like your perfume, what is it called?” To which this person replied (obviously without realizing it)…are you ready? “Cocaine”. I know, I know, cocaine, opium, it’s all the same, right?

A friend of mine asked a close relative of mine what the name of the disease was that she was just diagnosed with. She answered: “FeelMyVagina”. Can’t figure that one out? What she meant to say was “Fibromyalgia”.

Yet another close relative refused to wake up and go into the truck stop for a pit-stop after we’d been travelling 5 hours non-stop. She was grumpy and irritable and I knew she’d have to go 15 minutes after we got going again, so I made a sign and stuck it to the car window while she slept and we took care of business, it read: Knock three times for a good time.

No, we’re not from West Virginia, and no, I don’t THINK anyone married people they met at their family reunions…hhhmmm…that’s another story, I suppose.

My Two Year Old Thinks He Is A Doctor (humor)

So My two year old noticed tonight that I had a soda & he said mommy I want a sip. Okay I said just one sip then that’s it.

So of course my son wanted more, I very nicely told me that soda is not good for him he is only 2 years old with 2 year old kidneys & liver & it isn’t good for his little body.

He said yes it is good for me mommy, I said no it’s not & he then yelled at me very loudly I might add,” YES IT IS GOOD FOR ME.” I looked at him shocked & said the only thing I could think of  ”are you a doctor?”  he looked right at me & said “yes I am mommy.”

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